Dying

The summer heat felt stifling. Beads of sweat dribbled down and caused his shirt to stick to wet skin. Despite the unpleasantness of the afternoon sun, Ludus couldn't help but, to glance back at his constant companion. Felicia was quiet. The silence coming from her was deafening, only drowned out by the constant song of the cicadas.

What appeared to be inches felt like miles between them. Ludus didn't know where to start. It was meant to be a short walk in the park. It was meant to be another day going out in the summer heat. Blistering skin coated in aloe vera as they licked the ice cream dripping off their fingers; that's what he imagined today to be. However, she remained steadfast despite the scorching sun. It was the first time Ludus felt an urge to retreat. Felicia was safe. At least she was safe. Now, he didn't know if tomorrow would come.

The swings came into view. A telltale sign. Another memory slips through that he merely pushes back to the recesses of his consciousness. He wanted another day. Then again that was his wish yesterday. He doubted he'd get a second chance today.

Felicia's eyes were glazed over. It was only him being present for their day out. He wondered what she was remembering, but feared the question itself. There were no pleasant memories. Not from that lifetime. Nor the one before that. Ludus could vaguely recall a wooden doll she held on to. Then he fought the notion. He was slipping as memories swirled through the building cracks. The wooden doll wasn't from this lifetime. She wasn't named Felicia then.

He wasn't allowed to pass the swing. As if rising through the stands Felicia eased herself on to the swing. A practice grace in her movement. She was ready for the rope.

No, that was another lifetime he swore. She swung, her body hanged suspended in the air for a brief moment. He held his breath from right next to her. He was next. She fell back down only to rise again. Her knees curled on the rise. His breath quickened.

Ludus waited for her to quit. Boredom seldom left her in these times. Felicia didn't smile, the glazed look in her eyes never left. She wasn't here. Those moments were growing scarce. Felicia rose high into the air. Her body swinging with all it's might to the clouds. What comes up must come down. He closed his eyes. Felicia's body was lying still on the ground hundreds of feet below him. Another flash. A different lifetime. She was wearing red then. Coating the ground in its sticky substance. Felicia is wearing pink now. The irony isn't lost on him.

"I know what dying feels like," the words barely traveled to him. Despite the whisper, he heard the shot. Felt dread creep up towards him as they enveloped him in more memories. She insisted on going out. Now he knew why. He had stopped prying. When did he stop? When did he fear the words that came from those lips?

Once he would have acknowledged, but he knew that would simply cause her to sing. She held a canaries tune when pried open. Now he felt like another one of her puppets. She would have pulled the string but, they were simply wrapped tightly around him. He saw her hand before he felt it. Cold to the touch despite the heat. Ludus feared what he'd see in those eyes. There was a deep refusal for the glazed look. He doesn't know how she could stand looking at him glazed eyes and all.

Glancing at her lips he saw the soft smile. Always soft when at him. Relief spread through his bones as he relaxed into her hold.

"I know, but I can't take it any longer," he was breathless. When did he ran out of breath? He struggled to turn his grimace into a smile, based on her look there was no success. Ludus can't hide from Felicia. Felicia can't hide from Ludus. Why bother. "I can't bear to see you die any longer,"

His answer was a beaming smile. Eyes glittering like gems in the light, full of mischief and cunning all the same. Felicia would burn the world for him. She'd burn it to ash for her family and he was all that was left. Abandoned at the ruins. No, abandoned since the beginning by people that could not understand. Would never understand.

Felicia was condemned a monster at birth. A being that should never have existed. Ludus was a sinner for loving her. Yet, he accepted the crime and punishment with a head held high. He would not abandon his sister. He refused to believe that he should cut ties with the very being that radiated such light.

"Only a fool would give up his ace," ah, she was gone again. The glazed look shimmering back to the forefront.

"Only a fool would give up the queen," he spoke without hesitation. This was their game. They make the rules and he refused to lose another match. They've been checkmated to often in the past. They'd win this time for sure. He refused to see her broken eyes again.

Felicia kept scanning Ludus's face. Yet, the knowing look was gone from his eyes and she began to wilt under its blank stare. He was gone yet, again. He had stopped seeing her. Reliving his memories again.